People were injured in a freak accident when a runaway big-rig in an El Cerrito residential area destroyed cars, a house, left drivers trapped in their vehicles, and knocked power out for three cities.
On Moeser Lane, around 1:30 p.m., the 10-wheeler hauler snapped a power pole and badly damaged five vehicles before overturning and smashing into a house. This caused the power to go out in areas of El Cerrito, Richmond, and Berkeley.
A freak accident occurred on Moeser Lane in El Cerrito, around 1:30 p.m., when a runaway an asphalt truck in a residential area destroyed cars, a house, left drivers trapped in their vehicles, and knocked power out for three cities.
The 10-wheeler hauler snapped a power pole and badly damaged five vehicles before overturning and smashing into a house. This caused the power to go out in areas of El Cerrito, Richmond, and Berkeley.
El Cerrito police detective, Sgt. Shawn Maples heard cries coming from under the debris of the house and the truck. He and two of his colleagues found the driver lodged between two tires. Maples said, "We dragged him out in a heartbeat while the truck went up in flames. I just wanted to get him out of there."
Ruben Sharma, who lives across the street from the damaged house said, “First, I thought it was a major earthquake.” His front yard was littered with bricks, broken glass, car parts, and pieces of trees.
A man and a boy ended up stuck in their SUV in some shrubbery. Rescue workers had to slice open a Honda sedan, hit by the truck was so crumpled that the driver was trapped inside.
The driver, a San Jose man whose name was not released, broke both of his legs. He is listed in serious, but stable, condition at John Muir Medical Center.
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The problem with your lead is that you don't really know how many people were injured, so you have to be non-specific ... that makes your lead seem wishy-washy and less engaging. The lead also needs to include "when" as well as what and where.
ReplyDeleteAlso, "big-rig" calls to mind a basic 18-wheeler tractor-trailer, which isn't quite right. In the lead, I'd simply call it a "asphalt truck," and describe it in a later graph.
"Cop" is slang - don't use it in a news story. Use his title.
P3: You tell me how they found the driver trapped between the wheels of the truck ... but did they just leave him there? You never say if (or how) they got him out? Use the quote -- it tells the story.
Delete the sentence: "Despite the disaster, no one was killed." Disaster is an opinion, and the only opinions in news stories should be from people you're quoting.
...at John Muir Medical Center.
15/20 -- want to revise?