4a.
A landing tower employee claimed he spotted smoke near the wheels of the Northwest Airlines passenger jet, Flight 428. The 40 passengers were evacuated after the sign of possible danger.
The plane landed at the LaCrosse Municipal Airport in Wisconsin, today, following a flight from Minneapolis.
4b.
A 7-year old boy who has been missing for three years was found thanks to a tip from a neighbor from Brick Township, NJ, who had seen the boy’s picture in a movie.
On Thursday night, a local pedestrian saw the movie, Adam: The Song Continues, and recognized the boy in a picture and called the police. This tip led to the recovery of the boy and the arrest of his mother, Ellen Lynn Conner, 27, who is facing charges of kidnapping and interference with a custody warrant.
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4a: Forget the commentary ("potential disaster") - just say what happened. Using the word "claimed" makes it sound like you don't believe him/her. Stick with says/said. Overall, tighten it up.
ReplyDelete4b: Don't start with "when," but do include "where" in your lead.
7/10
4a) Start with what happened: Forty people were evacuated from a Northwest Airlines jet yesterday at LaCrosse, Wisc., Municipal Airport after a landing tower employee spotted smoke near the jet's wheels.
ReplyDelete4b) Better.
7+1=8/10